my brother

My next BFF, is Jesus. My Brother. My Friend. The best. If My post about Heavenly Father doesn't make you feel important...Jesus will. I cannot describe him quite as eloquently as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland does, so I will eave it to him and share with you a quote from him:

"It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect SON who has NEVER spoken ill, nor done wrong, nor touched an unclean thing, had to know how the rest of humankind - US, ALL OF US- would feel WHEN WE DID commit such sins. For this atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.
But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings, that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that he NEVER flees or fails us. When the uttermost farthing had been paid, when Christ's determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully it was "finished." Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, brought joyful spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in the God he knew was there, He could say in triumph, 'Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.'"

Does that not make you feel so loved, so special to Him, so worth it. Is He not the greatest friend we could ever hope for?

You guys!!! He came and lived PERFECTLY and then suffered everything we will ever suffer FOR US because He knew we would make mistakes. He knew we would need Him. He wanted to be able to be there to comfort us WHEN we need Him.

Can a share a personal story/analogy. This is about me learning to ride a bike and my brother, Caleb. It was summer, and I wanted to learn how to ride my bike without those pesky training wheels. My older brother Caleb was bored I suppose, so he offered to teach me, claiming he was a great teacher...although I'm not convinced he had ever taught anyone to ride a bike before.
 So he took me out and rode my bike around to show me how its done. Then he said "Okay, get on, I will hang onto the back of the bike as you pedal."
 To which I quickly replied "NO! You're going to let Go! I know you."
 "No, I won't duder. Just get on, I will hold on, you'll be fine. I've done it a thousand times. It's easy. Get on."
 "Promise you will hold on." And so I got on, He held on as i rode, wobbiling, in circles.
 Caleb then said "Okay, now we are going to go down the street try to ride straight. I will be right behind you holding on."
 Okay, straight. I can do this. So I pedal and I am doing it, I look back and Caleb isnt there! He's at the end of the street where I started. I immediatly fall. And it hurt. And I cry. "YOU said you wouldnt let go! Look what happened when I tried on my own. now I fell, you have no idea how bad this hurts!"
 He then explained to me that he did know what it felt like to fall, harder then I did. You see, when Caleb learned to ride a bike, NO JOKE, He just hopped on the thing and went. Rode perfectly the first time, as with most things he attempts. The only problem is, he didn't know how to stop. So, at the very end of his ride, he would run into a a tree. And, needless to say, that would stop him. But He did crash, and fall, harder then I did. He knew how it felt. He knew it hurt. But he now was a pro at riding a bike, he was able to teach me how, and he could relate to me when I fell and pick me back up, and tell me to do it again. I don't think I ever fell again after he helped me back up and made me try again. THIS IS A TRUE STORY. And thank you Caleb, for making me try again. Cause we all know I cried and I didn't want too.

Do you get my analogy? Christ, by suffering our sins can provide us that comfort we need to try again when we fall. He, just like Caleb did when teaching me to ride my bike. Shows us, helps us, guides us, and then lets us try it on our own. With our agency so we can learn.

AGENCY. A scary, scary thing for me. Especially realizing how GREAT Heavenly Father and Jesus are. It's like "Yeah okay, homie. ME?! You want me to choose? But I keep messing up! You'd be way better at choosing for me, can't you choose? I don't wanna." I feel so inadequate sometimes, but then, the words of Elder Holland come to my mind when he spoke at my little sisters graduation from BYU-H. He said if you ever feel inadequate, I have three words for you. "GET OVER IT!" ....okay! geez, fine, I will. okay! Mr. Sensitive over here...get over it! okay, i will!

God is perfect. He created YOU. He knows what He was doing. He's never made a mistake, hence the perfect word. So don't flatter yourself, He's not about to start making mistakes with you, k? He knew exactly what He was doing when He created us and sent us here at this time. WE WERE NOT A MISTAKE. We can never do anything too "BAD." He knows our weaknesses, faults, and mistakes better then any and He still loves us, wants us to get up when we fall, and come home. He sent Christ here to suffer those for us to enable us to come home when we do make our own mistakes.

He even gave us a special gift to help guide us HOME, the Holy Ghost...

Where are you from? Heaven! Yes, We are. My 3 BFFs are there

Whenever someone asks me where I am from. The Very first thing that comes to my head is Heaven. Directly followed by the quote from a CLASSIC movie.

"Is this Heaven?"
"No, Its Iowa."
"Huh, I coulda sworn it was heaven."

Yes, I am pretty sure Iowa is about as close to heaven as you can get, but I may be a little biased :-) But I want you to stop, now think about it.

We are all ultimately from Heaven. Do you realize that? I hope you do. Guess what else? My 3 BFF's live there. 1- Heavenly Father. 2- Jesus Christ. 3- The Holy Ghost.

I want you to think about this. They TRUELY are my BEST friends. Let me start with this post and dedicate the next few posts to explaining why. Let me tell you a little bit about Our Heavenly Father. About God. Lately, I've been unable to get how GREAT THOU ART, How GREAT our HEAVENLY Father, God, how amazing He is, out of my mind.

I want to share something with you. When I heard these facts it changed my life. I didn't know how to talk to God for WEEKS after learning this. (and for those of you who know me, you know that's a pretty big deal, I PRAY about everything, all the time. Whenever I don't know an answer to a question right away, I tell you to hold on because I have to pray about it. Sometimes this is a joke, but about most of the time, I'm actually serious, I love my relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ). BUT I learned some facts about the universe, and how BIG He is, and I was immediately, beyond humbled. Allow me to share...

I want you to think about the state you are living in. For me, it is Utah. I can honestly say I haven't even been everywhere in Provo/Orem, then I scale out and think about the entire state of Utah, definately havent seen everything there is to see here, it is a BIG PLACE.  Lets scale out a little farther, the entire US....Wait, the entire Planet Earth. MASSIVE!!! As the Lion kind song goes "There's FAR too much to take in here. More to find, then can ever be found. More to see then can ever be seen. More to do then can ever be done." And it's true. How blessed we are that God created such a great, massive, beautiful place for us to try and explore all of its wonders, to live and discover ourselves. AMAZING!!! Thank you God!

But, this isn't what changed my life. What I'm about to tell you, did. (As heard from Louis Giglio) I'm gonna share with you about a little star found in our galaxy. NOT the planet Earth, which is one measly little pebble compared to all the BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of STARS in OUR GALAXY. This,, however, as far as I know to date, is the biggest star we've discovered in our Galaxy, it is called the Canis Majoris (which i'm pretty sure means the Big Dog Star, and it is).

THE CANIS MAJORIS.
        This Star is SO BIG. You can fit SEVEN QUADRILLION Earths inside this star. Do you know how much that is? Can you even comprehend a Quadrillion?! I cant even wrap my head around a million. Let me put this into perspective for you. 1 million seconds ago = 12 days ago. 1 billion seconds ago = (I know, your thinkin, okay that takes us back to December, right? No.) = 1970's. Yes. 1 trillions seconds ago= 29,700 BC!!! 1 Quadrillions SECONDS ago= 30 million 800 thousand YEARS ago is 1 quadrillion SECONDS ago. THATS a BIG NUMBER. and you can fit SEVEN QUADrILLION EARTHS in this single STAR in OUR GALAXY.
         If EARTH were the size of a golfball, a GOLFBALL. Go ahead and find a golfball, imagine that is the planet Earth, now find YOU on that golfball. And don't lose yourself. If Earth were a golfball, Canis Majoris would be the size of Mt Everest!!!!!!! That is SIX MILES ABOVE SEA LEVEL. Put the golfball at the bottom, climb 6 miles to the top, find your golfball and find you on it.
      If Earth were a golfball, you could fill the ENTIRE state of TEXAS with golfballs. 22 INCHES DEEP. Find the one you're on. And then find you on it.

I immediately felt so small. So insignificant. I didn't realize how BIG God, the CREATOR of this MASSIVE STAR, just how big he was. THEN I LEARNED SOMETHING ELSE. And This is when I didn't even know how to talk to God I felt SO SMALL. The Hubble Telescope Found the darkest spot in our galaxy. a Little TINY DOT just above the big dipper. It zoomed in on it to see what was in there. it dicovered there were BILLIONS of GALAXIES back there, in the darkest spot in our galaxy are BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF MORE GALAXIES. Then it zoomed in on the darkest spot there. and found MORE GALAXIES. And we are told in the scriptures that God has created Worlds EXACTLY like ours, so many they are WITHOUT NUMBER. SO many we cant even count how many there are. With people like you and me.

This stumped me. Because my WHOLE life here on Earth, I had been sitting here COUNSELING God. Telling Him how things should go. Drawing out my own game plan and telling Him how this was better and bigger then anything He could do. At least 20 times a day, I would brag about how I knew what was going on and I figured out the best. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Learning all this and how powerful, HUGE, omnipotent HE IS! I felt so small, I wanted to die, but I wasnt sure if He would notice, so I figured that was a little dramatic so I turned to the scriptures instead.

This book He gave us with His words to US So that we can KNOW HIM and KNOW that we do matter to Him. That He loves US TO MUCH BECAUSE WE ARE HIS CHILDREN. We are HIS. HIS own creation with his own two hands. I want to share with you what I Read shortly after learning HOW GREAT HE IS.

Moses 1:39 For Behold, this is MY WORK and MY GLORY to bring to pass the immortality and eternal  life of MAN.
     YOU GUYS!!! IT's US!!! YOU and ME. YOU. YOU are His Work, and His Glory. The man who can speak and it will be done, the creator of these massive stars and beautiful Earths and countless worlds and children. Tells you RIGHT HERE!!! YOU Are why. YOU are HIS WORK and GLORY!

Does that NOT GIVE you the CHILLS. He KNOWS and is VERY VERY aware of you. If you just stop and look you will SEE. You CANNOT DENY He is there constantly EVERY DAY very intimately in your life. He knows you PERSONALLY and Is always there. I know youre thinking, or at least I thought as i remembered just how big he is, "yeah, that all sounds good, but there SO many more MEN just like me out there. How can he notice and care about me." And I kept reading. And He told me a few short chapters later,

Moses 6:34 Behold, MY SPIRIT IS UPON YOU.... thou shalt abide in me and I in you: Therefore walk with me
        RIGHT THERE. He tells us He WILL be WITH YOU!!! And He cannot lie, you guys. If He says it, it must be true. And he has told us COUNTLESS of ways COUNTLESS times. Scriptures,  Prophets, our daily lives.

We are His CHILD. Think of it this way. You have a child. Or in my case, your friends have children. They call or POST ON FACEBOOK all of the time about how much they love their child, the cutest thing they just did, (made a a poopoo and it was so cute...peed their pants and it was so cute...) But the one that parents seem to be MOST elated about ALL THE time is their child's FIRST STEPS. Parents spend months teaching their child how to walk, first by walking themselves to show them how its done. Then by holding their childs hands as they stand, moving their feet for them to allow them to get the feel of how to do it. They promise they wont let go, but eventually they do, very sneakily, as they grab the camcorder and watch their child take their first steps on their own "OH my goodness!! EVERYONE LOOK MY CHILD IS WALKING" preceeded by a video of the Child taking about 3 steps before they topple over. They are BEAMING with PRIDE!!! "MY CHILD JUST WALKED" I'm sure their child is sitting there, crying, and if they could talk they would probably say "Are you kidding me Mom and Dad? excuse me, WHY are you so happy? I hardly walked. I took  THREE Steps and then I fell, and IT HURT. I don't know if I can get back up, I don't know if I can do that again. I didn't walk I FELL Down." But you rush to their side, pick them up, and encourage them they CAN do it IF they try again.

How often do we do ths with Heavenly Father when we try new things? He sent us His own Son, Jesus Christ, to show us how to walk. Then we come here and for the first 8 years, the first little while, He holds our hand as we get a feel for it. Then eventually, very sneakily, before we feel ready, He lets us go and we try to walk on our own. and WE TAKE 3 STEPS! and he calls everyone around, "Hey, Nephi, Captain Moroni, Moses, Noah, Grandpa Bill, Grandma Eleanor!!!! Guys, Come look!!! Shayla just WALKED!" And how often do I go to him, crying saying, "are you jokin? I hardly walked, i took 3 steps and I fell, and it hurt, and I dont want to do that again. I failed. I don't think I can do it." and He helps us up, comforts us, and tells us to do it again. and before we know it, we have become expert walkers. AMAZING.

How GREAT Thou Art. And How much he loves us. I hope you all realize that. He loves us SO MUCH. He is my BEST FRIEND. He loves me SO MUCH He gave me my next best friend, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, and My family, and my great friends. All of which I will talk about in the coming days.

He misses us, He wants us to come home SO BADLY. Thats why He sent us His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our example of how to talk on our own, and the way in which we can return Home to Him.

TODAY- Tell Heavenly Father you love him. When you Pray, Pause and tell him "Today, Heavenly Father, I hope you have a good day!"  and mean it. and do all you can to help Him have a good day today. Make Him your BFF too.

ONE more thing....

I have decided I am going to give all my readers a little insight to explain why I am the way that I am.... check out this clip from The Office first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5d5jxJ5vbM

...okay... now lets get back to me.

To explain why I am the way that I am... these next few posts are going to be about each member of my family. They are the ones that raised me and shaped me as I was developing, so they are the ones I blame, so Enjoy reading about them for a while instead of me!!!

UPDATE!

Sorry i've negleted the blog lately, but hey, life got busy. It happens yes. I will start off with another new "Shaylaism"

My sister Ashley and I were having a discussion one evening.

We were talking about the finer things in life, and I was sharing with her my final thought that was really going to make the point I was trying to make.

I dont remember the discussion or the point i was trying to make, but I made it clear and to make sure she knew I had just made my point I said this:

"...point in hand"

BAM! Case close. Period. End of Discussion. My Point is clear. Next subject please.

All those things I could have said and I came up with "Point in hand" what does this even mean?

Well, Ashley didn't know either and started laughing and pointed out that "point in hand" doesnt even make sense.

I say this is typical me, making up phrases.

BUT-- here is why I said it --- listen up... I couldn't remember the phrase "Case and Point" ...nor did I even know what the heck that phrase is even supposed to mean anyways. Who does? So i couldn't exactly remember it... so I said "point in hand" which sounded right.

Boy was I wrong.

FAWC (For All Who Care): Case and Point, as my other sister so kindly explained to me earlier, means like, you won. Like the "Case" is closed and you won. and also you made the "Point" ... as in declared your point, or got the points, made the basket got the points, something like that. Basically that you won.

This time of year takes me back....

Takes me back to a time not so long ago.

Around a year ago as a matter of fact.

It was basketball season. This particular cold December-ish day was particularly freezing... and there was a BYU cougar basketball game that night. NOT just any old game, no. At this particular game, they would give you tickets to go watch the Cougars play at the Energy Solutions Arena in Salt Lake. Best tickets go to whoever was there first when they opened the doors for the game that night.

AWESOME! I thought... in previous years my sister, Ashley, would always have to sit outside in a line for hours before the doors opened, all day, to get tickets for games like these. This year, Ashley was on her mission, so i knew it was up to me know to wait in line to get those tickets. It was my turn to shine and i wouldn't be the one to let people down.

8am, no classes because I was finished up for Thanksgiving break. The game was at 7pm, doors open at 5pm. 8am, and I roll out of bed, put on my 3 layers of sweaters, coat, long johns, pants, two pairs of socks, Hot Hands and Toasty Toes, 3 blankets, stalking cap, and of course my mittens (for those of you who dont really know, I dont even think about going out in the cold without my mittens, ever), I grab my backpack so i can study while i wait in line, and I rush out the door and drive down the the Marriott Center.

"Self, you're the best! First one in line! Alright!!! Good one, Shayla!" I say as I sit in front of the doors, first in line...boy, its cold in the shade, but i don't care, being first in line makes it TOTES worth it!

9am... no one else in is line yet... 10am... not a single person....

hum, this is kinda weird i keep thinking. But i KNOW the second I leave the mad rush is going to come and I will have sat in the cold for two hours for nothing.... there's no way i'm leaving... but boy, hot chocolate would sure be nice around now....

11am.... 12.... 1pm.... no one. I'm the ONLY one. Wrapped in blankets.... sitting in front of the Marriott Center doors. A man walks past me. He pauses after he passes, and turns around.

Man: "Are you alright, Miss? Do you like, need a phone or a ride somewhere?"

Me: "Oh, me? No, no no. I'm fine, thank you. I'm just waiting in line... for the game... to get tickets..." And i glance around at the NOBODIES in the line behind me, I'm still the only one

Man: "Oh!" He says as look gives that look of 'uh, your a idiot,' and he points across the street at the Lavell Edwards stadium, "The game is over at the stadium, and it's not until Saturday." (It was the week of the BYU vs Utah football game that Saturday)

Me: "Oh, yeah, no I already have tickets for that game, I'm talking about the basketball game tonight. If you come tonight you get tickets to watch the cougars play up in Salt Lake."

Man: "Okay, welp, have fun... in line... " and he smiles and walks away.

This is where I officially feel like a LOSER. but 2pm....3pm... FINALLY, my buddy Spencer came to join me! haha, now there are two people in line. And I choose to ignore the fact that he only came because he felt SO bad for me for being SUCH an idiot. HAHAHA. to this day I still LOVE SPENCER BANTA for this. hahha... we laughed and studied for another hour and a half, still the ONLY ONES in line, until FINALLY others came to get in line.

This story has a happy ending... I got us FRONT ROW tickets to the game. haha, right next to the band. but Brandon Davies fell on us. AND Kyle caught me Chris Miles sweat band after the game. AND we proved the cougarettes are even more scary being close up.

I still wanna know why NO ONE told me not to camp out... jerks.

Being a good roommate

Let me reminisce for a moment and share a classic "Shayla KT" Moment (aka Kayla or Shaytie)

Sophomore year. We were ridiculous.

Our roommate, We will call her Megan M, No wait, I dont wanna give away who it was so we will call her M Myers. OHhhhhh M Myers!!! hahahahaha

She loved Chad Michael Murray, LOVED him. So one day KT and I were waiting for class to start and thought it would be hilarious to send Megan a text message. It went a little something like this "Oh my gosh! Did you hear that Chad Michael Murray died?!" Dont ask why we did this, cause we dont really know why.

HAHAHAHAHA, we thought it was HILARIOUS! She texted back like 30 minutes later saying "No, he didnt, I dont believe you." But she did believe us. she googled it. than when it wasnt true she had to act like she didnt fall for it. but she did.

BUT since she claimed she didnt fall for it, we decided we will catch her on a prank.

So, later that semester we saran wrapped her toilet bowl. She claimed she saw it before.

And we also put tin foil underneath her sheets. Like the one with the elastic through it so it stays on the bed. She claims she knew it was there before she got in bed. Which is IMPOSSIBLE because you couldn't see it and we heard it crinkle that night and LAUGHED SO HARD, but quietly so she couldn't hear.

Oh yeah, we also wrapped her desk chair up in wrapping paper and when she got home we told her we bought her a present. That it was in her room. hahahhaha, little did she know it was her CHAIR. hahahahahahahahahaha.

GOOD times! These few things made us officially the best roomates ever.

These are my confessions

1. Sometimes I like to sing out loud in public places. Okay-more like I start singing, don't realize its out loud until i notice the odd look from the person near me. This usually isnt until about half way through the song and I've already passed dozens of strangers, probably all lookin at me like "okay, crazy." You know what I say to them "YOU'RE CRAZY" and than I thrust one fist high into the air to demonstrate that I'm superior.

2. sometimes I also sing in the shower. But i recently stopped because singing leads to a weak attempt to dance. And believe you me when I say I was not ever meant to dance, I am extremely uncoordinated at moving my body and having it come out looking good.... and as i began to dance this last time in the shower, I almost slipped. It was then i realized this could get dangerous. So i stopped singing.

3. I say a lot of things that I don't really know what they mean. Sometimes I get away with it too. Although sometimes I dont. I've shared some of my failed attempts on here. Another recent one: I was taking the hottest guy in the world's pulse at work (him and I are mfeo=made for each other- i'm not kidding.). well, he started rambling off random numbers while I was counting the pulse in my head. So I said "well, GREAT! now I either have to start over or just beef the results" I do not know what beef the results means. Neither does he. and he called me out on it "What the heck? Beef the results? Did you just say that? What is that? a new phrase, were you trying to be cool?" He said to me. SHUT IT, yes okay I was trying to be cool. I am cool. Everyone says it. You just dont know anything. gosh. Lucky for him, he's so hot I didn't even get that mad at him for calling me out. I just laughed like an idiot and told him he only wishes he could come up with sayings that cool like me. I gave him permission to start saying it. He said he would not be caught dead saying that. I say its his loss.

4 again. Sometimes I say to myself: Self- you are soooo good looking. And i'm serious. And that makes me smile.

5. I hate running into people I sort of know. People I know only 2 things about them. Or at least I did know 2 things about at one point but these things were so boring I forgot them about 5 minutes after they said it because I thought "Wow, that's incredibly boring"

5 and 1/2. I hate even more when me and this person are the only people in the hallway walking towards each other. I panic and start to dig in my pockets to pull out my phone to act like I have to send a very important text right then. Its usually at that point i realize my phone isnt even in my pockets, so I have to dig through my purse (as if this isnt just SCREAMING "I'm trying my hardest to avoid eye contact so I don't have to talk to you, because i don't want to talk to you. You bore me.") I can never find my phone, So I decide to act like my shoes are the most interesting thing on earth and I glue my eyes to the ground, and just so i don't seeem rude, I decide that I am going raise my eyes at the last second as we pass to say a quick "hello! I didn't see it was you coming down the hall towards me, sorry we can't chat longer" Well, I start to get nervous so I usually raise my gaze from my shoes too early. They do the same so we make eye contact. Now we are trapped. So we both say "Oh, hey!" at the same time. We smile they say "How are you?" at the same time I was saying "Hows it go...you...too...ha?" Because my orignal thought is to say hows it going, then when they say how are you I switch my thinking to say the same thing too late, and it comes out sounding like something IDIOTIC, like "how goes you too going...." Then we both say "good" at the same time. And THERES STILL ANOTHER 3 SECONDS, the longest 3 SECONDS EVER, until we pass, so I giggle, then hold my breath and act like my shoes suddenly became very interesting again. after I pass I think to myself: "Self- Good one! You dodged that bullet!"

6. I really like to watch the disney channel. Still... yeah, i do. I even use my nieces and nephews as an excuse to watch it. I babysit them and ask what they want to watch. They usually say something lame like Ben 10. Then I turn on Wizards of Waverely Place on the Disney channel anyways and pretend that's what they wanted to watch.

6 and 1/2. Sometimes I watch it when I'm home by myself too... so sue me.

7. I enjoy playing in the rain. And I hate walking through snow.

8. Most of the time when I wake up, I feel like I am missing someone. I don't really know who or why I feel this way. However, I think when I get married this feeling will go away.

9. When I was young, my Dad told me I would marry someone named Phinneas Pharnsworth. I kind of believe this is why i'm not married yet. I don't want that as a last name, and I haven't met anyone by that name yet.

10. I fall in love with a new guy about every other day. And usually I am over it by that night. Maybe most girls get past this when they are 12.... big deal...i didn't. But I still think about that hott australian mysterious biker man I met last month... and I choose to ignore the fact there's a .2% chance of ever meeting him again.

11. My favorite snack in the world is "the snack that smile back goldfish." I like to act like they are swimming before I eat them, swimming into my mouth and I am the shark that devours them. But sometimes I like to be the Great Fish from Jonah and the "Whale" (which was never actually called a whale, just a great fish) and act like I am just transporting them to where they need to be. in my belly. I also love animal crackers, and i play with them before I eat them too.

12. Also previously discussed in my blog- my brothers liked to tell me lies when I was younger, I dont find out that what they said were lies til, like now. Here's a new one I have never told anyone. I don't remember if my brothers told me this or if I just made it up and believed it for a long time. But I always believed that you had to close your eyes during a prayer because then the holy spirits could come down during the prayer. And if you didn't close your eyes they couldnt come and grant the blessings in your prayer. So during my personal prayers i always sqeezed my eyes shut extra tight so I could get all the blessing I asked for. I realized a few years back this wasnt true, but I still squeeze my eyes tight during personal prayers just in case. However, during public prayers like at church, I keep them open, and look around to see who else has there eyes open too. And than laugh when I see someone doing the same.

13. I love to paint and draw, however I don't do this much anymore, and it's sad cause I should. I will.

14. I am still afraid of the dark. When I was growing up I always made my little sister go places with me if it was dark. Including out to my car at night if I left something in there. Even though it wouldn't be much help if a bad guy came, at least I wouldn't be alone, and this made me feel better. Oh I hate bad guys as well. They are stupid jerks.

12. reviewing some of these confessions makes me think i'm still a twelve year old girl at heart.