The man to blame...

MY DAD - (you will see, I'm just a "chip off the old block")

is the man you can blame for this blog of my pathetic errors in this journey of life.

you can blame him. I do. Let me tell you why...just let me share a little about this man and you will see he is the one to blame.


On our stairway down to the basement, there is a light fixture. This light has not worked once since I can remember. At least fifteen years. That light switch would never work. So to go to the basement, you had to leave the door open for light, until you made it down to turn on a light down there. Then run up to shut the door, then back down to do whatever. Well, one day a few months back, My old man decides, no, he was bound and determined, to fix that dang light. He messes with the light switch, pulled it out to see the wires, if they were frayed or something...Then he pauses, and gets this crazy idea. "Self," he says, "I'm just going to try, just to see before I make a bigger mess...what if i?... well, What if I get a new lightbulb and see if that works." He screws it in. LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!! You change the lightbulb and IT WORKS!!! After fifteen years. You'd think the man would have thought to change the dang thing. HAHAHA. And they think I DO STUPID STUFF.

Well, can you blame me? My GOSH! This story is even more funny, because My first year on my own in college, I called him after midnight one night. He was barely awake as he answered...

"He...hello?"
"Dad, what kind of light bulb do I need?"
"What? are you talking about?" He was still waking up, confused out of his mind. The light bulb in my living room had gone out. I had enough sense to know I needed a new one, but when I got to the store there were like 29 different kinds to choose from. who knew? I just wanted a light bulb! He laughed at me once he figured out what was going on.
"Haven't you ever changed a light bulb before?" he said. Yes, FYI, I had. I just never bought one. Obviously I changed lightbulbs, because we all know now that he never did, so someone had too.

Every once in a while, this man, says something worth remembering. He would tell me growing up when other kids would try to tease me (trust me, there wasn't much to tease me about because I am insanely awesome. They usually picked on my red hair...they were just jealous) He would tell me just to respond by holding up my finger in the shape of a hook and say "Hang it in your ear." ...which i never understood and thought was lame. I didn't get it until he explained that it meant that it doesn't matter what you think, so you can just take your opinions and hang them i your ear, cause i dont care.
    For some reason, this goofy statement "Hang it in your ear" pops into my head whenever I feel out of place or picked on. It makes me laugh a little, and I feel better. I don't worry about what they think. This became especially useful when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Without this advice and mindset of not worrying about others, I wouldn't have survived. Because I didn't care what others thought, didn't care that I was different, even though I may walk funny, I was still me,and that all that mattered.

When I first started having pain with my arthritis, I went straight to my Father. I remember, when I first started experiencing symptoms, I had spent a few nights in agony because my shoulder was hurting so bad. One night I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't sleep, so I went, crying into my Father. I was always convinced he could help any sickness or pain go away. He kindly woke up, assured me that it would be okay. That was enough for me to get some peace of mind, and after that, just having my Father assuring me it would all be okay, I was able to sleep that night. Slowly, as my whole body started to ache, he would always be there. Telling me it would all be okay. He would always tell me "If I could take your pain, I would." And that would make me feel better. Always. This man, my father, would sit with me every Sunday as I shoved a needle into my leg, because without him there, I couldn't do it. I wasn't brave enough. My Dad makes me brave, makes me the person I want to be. I'm so grateful for this man. Did he enjoy watching me in pain? Suffer? Shoot myself with a needle? Probably not. But he was always there, providing me with strength until I could find my own, By my side the entire time.

Although he may tell the worlds worst jokes, and truely believe they are hilarious, because you laugh not because they are funny, but because they are THAT bad you can help but laugh; even though he may take 15 years to change a light bulb; even though he may seem on the outside big, intimidating, rough, tough as nails; you'll be hard pressed to find anyone that more closely follows the Saviors example. And anyone that knows him will testify. He is often referred to as the "big teddy bear" because you can't help but feel and love his ginormous heart. This man will do ANYTHING for those he loves, quietly, no questions asked. I cannot count the number of times I've watched as my dear Mother just mentions some random thing or idea she has, for the house, decorations, church callings, whatever...and my Dad, not saying a word. And then, without even realizing it, it is done. Not just for my mom though. For all of us.

One time. my little sister, Sharisse, saw some strawberry millk. She exclaimed, "Man, I used to make that all the time as a kid, I haven't had that in forever!" The next day, she gets home from school, and there was some in the fridge for her. Really, Dad? Thats awesome.

Another time. My Mom had made a list of things she needed at the store, and Dad went to the store to get them. You see, She taught seminary and once a month would do these auctions if you made it to seminary on time you would get mormon bucks that you could buy things at these auctions. Anyways, one of the things she would off was a "Free day" where you didnt have to come to early morning seminary, but it would count as f you were there. She wrote "free day" on the list so she would remember for the auction. My Dad, poor guy, spent HOURS walking up and down every isle in the store searching for this "free day" not kowing what it was. An employee asked him if he could help him find something, and he explained. "I've searched all over, My wife wants a free day and I can't seem to find one. I dont even know what that is. Is it like, a type of tampon or something? I dont know?" The associate didnt know either. "Good luck with that one, man." He finally calls my mom to see what it was, and she explained. hahahahaha, they had a good laugh.

I could and would go on for hours about my Dad, but I think you get the point. He's the greatest in the world.

And you all still wonder why I'm not yet married? The poor guy has some awfully big shoes to fill.

H.G.= Homie G! The Holy Ghost

Imagine the type of friend that can always be there. Our constant companion. Imagine taking a test and he is right there with the best and right answers, whispering them in your ear.

Yep, that would be our friend, the Holy Ghost. As long as we treat Him right, CTR, all that jazz, he will be there telling us the right answers to the most important test we will ever take. The test of LIFE. HELLO?!! Thats kind of a big deal. If we fail here, eternity is gonna be forever. And not in a good way.

So lets listen to this guy, who has direct communication with the almighty perfect Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They let the Holy Ghost tell us the answers.

"Hey, the answer is C. for Choost the Right." he says.      "Hey, the answer is D. for Define THAT relationship, buddy!" (..yeah, I'm still waiting for him to tell me that answer....)

All we have to do is listen, carefully. Be worthy to have him around, then listen. Thats a great friend right there.

So obviously, after my last few posts, we can see we have some pretty amazing friends. Like I keep tellin y'all, the best. no lie. so how can we be better? Here's another story that changed my life.

I lost my wallet back in November. How inconvenient and stupid. Gay. Worst thing ever, because I had NO Photo ID and no access to my moneys. Lame. So I flew home (without photo ID, but they still let me fly. awesome) to get a new ID. I was home for sacrament meeting on Sunday before I had to come back to Utah. And I am here to tell you,  I NEEDED to be in Iowa at this time to hear this testimony because it changed me. A man got up to share his testimony. This man I've known my whole life, a tough guy. Loves his Harley. He bore his testimony, and shared a story. He has battled cancer, and a whole bunch of other things, trials, had occurred that I have no clue even what they are. And so he said to keep from getting discouraged, everyday as he drive to work, he prays. He prays the prayers of gratitude. So by the time he gets to work it doesn't seem to bad. One day, however, he was praying, and he said he had to stop. Pull over the car. And stop on the side of the road. His eyes welled with tears and he paused... and he said out loud, in his car. "Today, Heavenly Father, I hope you have a good day,"

BAM! That right there, changed my life. How many times have I prayed, and not once thought, "Gee, I hope YOU have a good day today." I'm always asking for things that will make my life good. Thanking him, bragging to him, about all that I do have to make MY life Amazing.

My prayers have drastically changed after that day, I try to always remember to Tell Him I hope he has a good day. I ask what I can do to help. And then I try to be a helper that day, which is not that easy. The next week after hearing that I was getting ready for the day, looking in the mirror thinking about How can I help? What can I do? and I said to myself

"Self. I'm starting with the (wo)man in mirror, I'm asking (her) to change (her) ways. No message coulda been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change."

Now I could be wrong, but I mighta just stolen that scene from a song. But seriously. It happened. That song came into my head, and It was beautiful. Thank You Michael Jackson, Thank YOU!

So, lets start with ourselves. Lets act on those kind thoughts we have to help others. Never suppress a generous thought. If I have something nice come into my head about someone, I try to share it and let them know how special I think they are. It doesn't hurt. I challenge you all to do the same. Brighten someones day. Everyone likes to know someone is thinking about them. If you care, share. By choosing to serve, you WILL recieve happiness, love, joy, blessings, and peace TODAY. TODAY is part of eternity, lets make it a good one.

my brother

My next BFF, is Jesus. My Brother. My Friend. The best. If My post about Heavenly Father doesn't make you feel important...Jesus will. I cannot describe him quite as eloquently as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland does, so I will eave it to him and share with you a quote from him:

"It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect SON who has NEVER spoken ill, nor done wrong, nor touched an unclean thing, had to know how the rest of humankind - US, ALL OF US- would feel WHEN WE DID commit such sins. For this atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.
But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings, that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that he NEVER flees or fails us. When the uttermost farthing had been paid, when Christ's determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully it was "finished." Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, brought joyful spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in the God he knew was there, He could say in triumph, 'Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.'"

Does that not make you feel so loved, so special to Him, so worth it. Is He not the greatest friend we could ever hope for?

You guys!!! He came and lived PERFECTLY and then suffered everything we will ever suffer FOR US because He knew we would make mistakes. He knew we would need Him. He wanted to be able to be there to comfort us WHEN we need Him.

Can a share a personal story/analogy. This is about me learning to ride a bike and my brother, Caleb. It was summer, and I wanted to learn how to ride my bike without those pesky training wheels. My older brother Caleb was bored I suppose, so he offered to teach me, claiming he was a great teacher...although I'm not convinced he had ever taught anyone to ride a bike before.
 So he took me out and rode my bike around to show me how its done. Then he said "Okay, get on, I will hang onto the back of the bike as you pedal."
 To which I quickly replied "NO! You're going to let Go! I know you."
 "No, I won't duder. Just get on, I will hold on, you'll be fine. I've done it a thousand times. It's easy. Get on."
 "Promise you will hold on." And so I got on, He held on as i rode, wobbiling, in circles.
 Caleb then said "Okay, now we are going to go down the street try to ride straight. I will be right behind you holding on."
 Okay, straight. I can do this. So I pedal and I am doing it, I look back and Caleb isnt there! He's at the end of the street where I started. I immediatly fall. And it hurt. And I cry. "YOU said you wouldnt let go! Look what happened when I tried on my own. now I fell, you have no idea how bad this hurts!"
 He then explained to me that he did know what it felt like to fall, harder then I did. You see, when Caleb learned to ride a bike, NO JOKE, He just hopped on the thing and went. Rode perfectly the first time, as with most things he attempts. The only problem is, he didn't know how to stop. So, at the very end of his ride, he would run into a a tree. And, needless to say, that would stop him. But He did crash, and fall, harder then I did. He knew how it felt. He knew it hurt. But he now was a pro at riding a bike, he was able to teach me how, and he could relate to me when I fell and pick me back up, and tell me to do it again. I don't think I ever fell again after he helped me back up and made me try again. THIS IS A TRUE STORY. And thank you Caleb, for making me try again. Cause we all know I cried and I didn't want too.

Do you get my analogy? Christ, by suffering our sins can provide us that comfort we need to try again when we fall. He, just like Caleb did when teaching me to ride my bike. Shows us, helps us, guides us, and then lets us try it on our own. With our agency so we can learn.

AGENCY. A scary, scary thing for me. Especially realizing how GREAT Heavenly Father and Jesus are. It's like "Yeah okay, homie. ME?! You want me to choose? But I keep messing up! You'd be way better at choosing for me, can't you choose? I don't wanna." I feel so inadequate sometimes, but then, the words of Elder Holland come to my mind when he spoke at my little sisters graduation from BYU-H. He said if you ever feel inadequate, I have three words for you. "GET OVER IT!" ....okay! geez, fine, I will. okay! Mr. Sensitive over here...get over it! okay, i will!

God is perfect. He created YOU. He knows what He was doing. He's never made a mistake, hence the perfect word. So don't flatter yourself, He's not about to start making mistakes with you, k? He knew exactly what He was doing when He created us and sent us here at this time. WE WERE NOT A MISTAKE. We can never do anything too "BAD." He knows our weaknesses, faults, and mistakes better then any and He still loves us, wants us to get up when we fall, and come home. He sent Christ here to suffer those for us to enable us to come home when we do make our own mistakes.

He even gave us a special gift to help guide us HOME, the Holy Ghost...

Where are you from? Heaven! Yes, We are. My 3 BFFs are there

Whenever someone asks me where I am from. The Very first thing that comes to my head is Heaven. Directly followed by the quote from a CLASSIC movie.

"Is this Heaven?"
"No, Its Iowa."
"Huh, I coulda sworn it was heaven."

Yes, I am pretty sure Iowa is about as close to heaven as you can get, but I may be a little biased :-) But I want you to stop, now think about it.

We are all ultimately from Heaven. Do you realize that? I hope you do. Guess what else? My 3 BFF's live there. 1- Heavenly Father. 2- Jesus Christ. 3- The Holy Ghost.

I want you to think about this. They TRUELY are my BEST friends. Let me start with this post and dedicate the next few posts to explaining why. Let me tell you a little bit about Our Heavenly Father. About God. Lately, I've been unable to get how GREAT THOU ART, How GREAT our HEAVENLY Father, God, how amazing He is, out of my mind.

I want to share something with you. When I heard these facts it changed my life. I didn't know how to talk to God for WEEKS after learning this. (and for those of you who know me, you know that's a pretty big deal, I PRAY about everything, all the time. Whenever I don't know an answer to a question right away, I tell you to hold on because I have to pray about it. Sometimes this is a joke, but about most of the time, I'm actually serious, I love my relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ). BUT I learned some facts about the universe, and how BIG He is, and I was immediately, beyond humbled. Allow me to share...

I want you to think about the state you are living in. For me, it is Utah. I can honestly say I haven't even been everywhere in Provo/Orem, then I scale out and think about the entire state of Utah, definately havent seen everything there is to see here, it is a BIG PLACE.  Lets scale out a little farther, the entire US....Wait, the entire Planet Earth. MASSIVE!!! As the Lion kind song goes "There's FAR too much to take in here. More to find, then can ever be found. More to see then can ever be seen. More to do then can ever be done." And it's true. How blessed we are that God created such a great, massive, beautiful place for us to try and explore all of its wonders, to live and discover ourselves. AMAZING!!! Thank you God!

But, this isn't what changed my life. What I'm about to tell you, did. (As heard from Louis Giglio) I'm gonna share with you about a little star found in our galaxy. NOT the planet Earth, which is one measly little pebble compared to all the BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of STARS in OUR GALAXY. This,, however, as far as I know to date, is the biggest star we've discovered in our Galaxy, it is called the Canis Majoris (which i'm pretty sure means the Big Dog Star, and it is).

THE CANIS MAJORIS.
        This Star is SO BIG. You can fit SEVEN QUADRILLION Earths inside this star. Do you know how much that is? Can you even comprehend a Quadrillion?! I cant even wrap my head around a million. Let me put this into perspective for you. 1 million seconds ago = 12 days ago. 1 billion seconds ago = (I know, your thinkin, okay that takes us back to December, right? No.) = 1970's. Yes. 1 trillions seconds ago= 29,700 BC!!! 1 Quadrillions SECONDS ago= 30 million 800 thousand YEARS ago is 1 quadrillion SECONDS ago. THATS a BIG NUMBER. and you can fit SEVEN QUADrILLION EARTHS in this single STAR in OUR GALAXY.
         If EARTH were the size of a golfball, a GOLFBALL. Go ahead and find a golfball, imagine that is the planet Earth, now find YOU on that golfball. And don't lose yourself. If Earth were a golfball, Canis Majoris would be the size of Mt Everest!!!!!!! That is SIX MILES ABOVE SEA LEVEL. Put the golfball at the bottom, climb 6 miles to the top, find your golfball and find you on it.
      If Earth were a golfball, you could fill the ENTIRE state of TEXAS with golfballs. 22 INCHES DEEP. Find the one you're on. And then find you on it.

I immediately felt so small. So insignificant. I didn't realize how BIG God, the CREATOR of this MASSIVE STAR, just how big he was. THEN I LEARNED SOMETHING ELSE. And This is when I didn't even know how to talk to God I felt SO SMALL. The Hubble Telescope Found the darkest spot in our galaxy. a Little TINY DOT just above the big dipper. It zoomed in on it to see what was in there. it dicovered there were BILLIONS of GALAXIES back there, in the darkest spot in our galaxy are BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF MORE GALAXIES. Then it zoomed in on the darkest spot there. and found MORE GALAXIES. And we are told in the scriptures that God has created Worlds EXACTLY like ours, so many they are WITHOUT NUMBER. SO many we cant even count how many there are. With people like you and me.

This stumped me. Because my WHOLE life here on Earth, I had been sitting here COUNSELING God. Telling Him how things should go. Drawing out my own game plan and telling Him how this was better and bigger then anything He could do. At least 20 times a day, I would brag about how I knew what was going on and I figured out the best. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Learning all this and how powerful, HUGE, omnipotent HE IS! I felt so small, I wanted to die, but I wasnt sure if He would notice, so I figured that was a little dramatic so I turned to the scriptures instead.

This book He gave us with His words to US So that we can KNOW HIM and KNOW that we do matter to Him. That He loves US TO MUCH BECAUSE WE ARE HIS CHILDREN. We are HIS. HIS own creation with his own two hands. I want to share with you what I Read shortly after learning HOW GREAT HE IS.

Moses 1:39 For Behold, this is MY WORK and MY GLORY to bring to pass the immortality and eternal  life of MAN.
     YOU GUYS!!! IT's US!!! YOU and ME. YOU. YOU are His Work, and His Glory. The man who can speak and it will be done, the creator of these massive stars and beautiful Earths and countless worlds and children. Tells you RIGHT HERE!!! YOU Are why. YOU are HIS WORK and GLORY!

Does that NOT GIVE you the CHILLS. He KNOWS and is VERY VERY aware of you. If you just stop and look you will SEE. You CANNOT DENY He is there constantly EVERY DAY very intimately in your life. He knows you PERSONALLY and Is always there. I know youre thinking, or at least I thought as i remembered just how big he is, "yeah, that all sounds good, but there SO many more MEN just like me out there. How can he notice and care about me." And I kept reading. And He told me a few short chapters later,

Moses 6:34 Behold, MY SPIRIT IS UPON YOU.... thou shalt abide in me and I in you: Therefore walk with me
        RIGHT THERE. He tells us He WILL be WITH YOU!!! And He cannot lie, you guys. If He says it, it must be true. And he has told us COUNTLESS of ways COUNTLESS times. Scriptures,  Prophets, our daily lives.

We are His CHILD. Think of it this way. You have a child. Or in my case, your friends have children. They call or POST ON FACEBOOK all of the time about how much they love their child, the cutest thing they just did, (made a a poopoo and it was so cute...peed their pants and it was so cute...) But the one that parents seem to be MOST elated about ALL THE time is their child's FIRST STEPS. Parents spend months teaching their child how to walk, first by walking themselves to show them how its done. Then by holding their childs hands as they stand, moving their feet for them to allow them to get the feel of how to do it. They promise they wont let go, but eventually they do, very sneakily, as they grab the camcorder and watch their child take their first steps on their own "OH my goodness!! EVERYONE LOOK MY CHILD IS WALKING" preceeded by a video of the Child taking about 3 steps before they topple over. They are BEAMING with PRIDE!!! "MY CHILD JUST WALKED" I'm sure their child is sitting there, crying, and if they could talk they would probably say "Are you kidding me Mom and Dad? excuse me, WHY are you so happy? I hardly walked. I took  THREE Steps and then I fell, and IT HURT. I don't know if I can get back up, I don't know if I can do that again. I didn't walk I FELL Down." But you rush to their side, pick them up, and encourage them they CAN do it IF they try again.

How often do we do ths with Heavenly Father when we try new things? He sent us His own Son, Jesus Christ, to show us how to walk. Then we come here and for the first 8 years, the first little while, He holds our hand as we get a feel for it. Then eventually, very sneakily, before we feel ready, He lets us go and we try to walk on our own. and WE TAKE 3 STEPS! and he calls everyone around, "Hey, Nephi, Captain Moroni, Moses, Noah, Grandpa Bill, Grandma Eleanor!!!! Guys, Come look!!! Shayla just WALKED!" And how often do I go to him, crying saying, "are you jokin? I hardly walked, i took 3 steps and I fell, and it hurt, and I dont want to do that again. I failed. I don't think I can do it." and He helps us up, comforts us, and tells us to do it again. and before we know it, we have become expert walkers. AMAZING.

How GREAT Thou Art. And How much he loves us. I hope you all realize that. He loves us SO MUCH. He is my BEST FRIEND. He loves me SO MUCH He gave me my next best friend, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, and My family, and my great friends. All of which I will talk about in the coming days.

He misses us, He wants us to come home SO BADLY. Thats why He sent us His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our example of how to talk on our own, and the way in which we can return Home to Him.

TODAY- Tell Heavenly Father you love him. When you Pray, Pause and tell him "Today, Heavenly Father, I hope you have a good day!"  and mean it. and do all you can to help Him have a good day today. Make Him your BFF too.