My mother never fed me alphabet soup

At BYU- and I think everyone will agree- football season is the most exciting time of the year. And basketball- obviously. But each fall it is the best when theres a HOME GAME and we get to go to the LaVelle Edwards Stadium and watch the almighty cougars Defeat e'rybody!

I went to this game with my Best Friend- KT Pugmire (hollah!) Unfortunately for me, her new boyfriend had tickets in a different part of the stadium and she decided to sit with him.

"Well, thats rude. Where are his tickets?" I asked as we were approaching the stadium.

kt: "section T"

me: "Oh! Great!! I'm in section O! We are right next to each other!"

kt: stopped in her tracks, giving me that WTFreak?! look.

me: noticing the look. "Yeah, you know, L-M-N-O-T! We'll be next to each other."

kt: "um... no..."

me: "yeah! L-M-N-O--- ohhhh. it's P...." pause "T isn't even close- huh? Man, I was WAY off"

That actually happened.

So what?! I was sick the day they taught the alphabet in high school.

Please note that KT laughed- VERY hard. But there's good news- she did NOT pee her pants. well, maybe a little. hahaha.

Oh, Brother

When I was young my older brother told me that my mom couldn't wear watches. He told me it was because of the iron in her blood made them go BIZZURKE and not work.

(Two side notes: Hearing me tells this might be a little more humorous. Among a small list of words that I cannot pronounce quite right- Iron is one of them. I say it just like its spelled, like it SHOULD BE PROUNOUCED -- eye-ER-on -- if you have not heard me say this, ask me next time you see me- it's totes worth it. I Also cannot say jewelry. its not as easy as it looks. I say -- jur-UH-lee-- its not my fault my mouth just doesnt move like that. I also cannot say film. It comes out -- fill-UM-- kinda like an idiot would say it. But you know what- I'm over it.)

(Second side note: It's not THAT funny. Don't judge me. and don't act like you can say every word ever.)

ANYWAYS-back to the story. Last Summer, yes, the summer of my 21st year of life. My mom and I are doing what we do best- shopping. The Dialouge is as follows,

Mom: "you know what? I really need a watch."

Me: "Mom- you can't even wear watches."

Mom: Puzzled look on her face. "umm- why on Earth would you say that I can't wear watches?"

Me: "Well, duh Mom, because the irON in your blood. It makes them break, obvs"

Mom: Look has since changed to a sweet daughter of mine when did you become such an idiot look (you know what I'm talking about) "HAHAHAHAAAAA- Why would you think that? That is not even true."

Me: "I'm gonna kill that Blake. He told me that when I was 5 and I still remember."

Do you guys see what I grew up with?! It's no wonder I am the way I am. My brothers fed me false information in my most vulnerable stages of life, so young and impressionable. It makes me wonder what else I think to this day is true-but is just a LIE!

Oh, Brother! Why did you ruin my life so?

Texas down!

It was a Wednesday night. My little sister, Sharisse had worn my shirt that day, YET again.

For those of you who don't know- this was the single cause of contention growing up in my life. I hated when my sister took my clothes (oh--and when someone would take my parking spot-but thats a different story. Oh-and i hate bad guys too, again- different storIES)

During this argument back and forth, I really let her have it. The arguement had begun in the downstairs kitchen- and went a little something like this: "SHARISSE- i freakin HATE you wearing my stuff! Take it off RIGHT NOW- I wanted to wear that today AND tomorrow! (Did I really? No, but thats not the point.) Sharisse came back with some smart-alic comment and than ran upstairs. I followed her up yelling the whole way.

My brother, Caleb, was in the bathroom, heard us arguing, and shouted "if you guys don't shut up i'll come out there and MAKE you!" I tried to explain this TRAGEDY of her wearing my shirt YET AGAIN. And he didnt even care. He said if I say another word about it I'd be sorry.

This made me even MORE FURIOUS!! I was having the worst day ever, and I was mad. For me, these two things aren't a good combo. My mind started racing, just words flowing through my head rapidly. My mouth couldn't keep up.

My thoughts: 'Caleb cannot tell me what to do! I'll show him another word! I will have the last say in this arguement not him...Sharisse is goin down...' I then decided to speak these thoughts outloud and it came out a little something like this:

"SHARISSE- YOUR going down! TEXAS DOWN!!!"

My thoughts after these words spewed out of my mouth: 'what?! Texas down?? Why the world did I say Texas down? what does that even mean? When I thought to myself "sharisse is going down" I thought, well what is down? China? no- texas... these thoughts must have occured at the same time I was telling Sharisse she was going down. And I wanted to let her know just how far. I hope Caleb doesnt notice this phrase I just made up and makes no sense...'

Suddenly- the Next thing I hear is and OUTBURST of laughter. Not only from the bathroom. But from Sharisse. OH and from Everyone downstairs, who all heard it as well. Including the missionaries who were there for dinner. DANG IT! everyone noticed that might have been the stupidest thing they've ever heard. But than they remembered whose mouth it came out of, mine, and they understood. These stupid phrases are normal.

How embarrasing.

And no one will ever let me forget it. I think it's my Mom's favorite story to tell company at the dinner table actually.